While some of us are anxious about the big 1-4, there are still some who venture off into this month feeling depressed and constantly reminded that they don’t have that “special” person.
Last year, I was single and searching for love, while this year I am just simply sharing my world with someone special—and I’m content.
Content? Yes, content and satisfied…but let me tell you, it wasn’t always like that. I had to find inner peace because I was CONSTANTLY stressing out and worrying about Prince Charming aka Mr. Right aka Boaz, and when he was going to come. When I finally realized he wasn’t coming quickly enough, I decided to take things into my own hands…I became the pursuer!
I started searching around every corner looking for him. It got so bad that when I went to church I wouldn’t even enjoy the service because I was too busy searching for the most attractive male in the room. “Maybe he’s my husband…or oh oh oh him over there!” I would go right down my list—height, check! Body frame, check! And so on and so on.
This nonsense continued on until one day I had an epiphany. “Why don’t I just relax and allow him to find you. Work on yourself first.” So I did! My journal entries slowly but surely shifted from talking about him, to talking about Him. I also began working on myself too.
As time progressed, and I was having a great time being single and enjoying some really great friendships, he came—and I was not ready for him to share my space. I was too busy in my own little world and having fun, that I almost missed out on the best thing that happened to me.
I don’t know, I guess you can just call me old-fashioned, but I believe that a woman should be pursued. She doesn’t have to go running around in pursuit of love and happiness. Trust me, when the times right he will find her.
I know this may seem quite absurd nowadays, especially since women have become more independent, but I still believe that a woman should still be pursued, not vice versa.
When you’re busy and productive, that’s when love will come knocking at your door. Stay busy working on YOU… This is the BEST way to become pursued.
For such a long time I walked around with my true identity masked. When you looked at me, you would see a girl who knew what she wanted out of life.
— In actuality, I really had no clue.
All I knew was that I wanted to succeed and make lots of money. But, there was something deeper there, something the human eye was unable to detect.
I was hurting. I felt abandoned. I had a huge void that needed to be filled. So, as a result, I would push myself above and beyond just to make others see that I could do anything—I was truly insecure.
My success wasn’t for me, but was for other people to see that I was strong, determined, and wasn’t a frilly little girl who couldn’t do anything. –Truthfully, my success was for my Dad.
Your Dad, but why? Well, because he and my mother did not work out, so they divorced, and we all know what divorce means…
As a young child, you don’t quite understand that Daddy leaving has nothing to do with you. The only thing you believe is that he left and took with him his love.
But, that wasn’t the case at all; my Daddy is really extremely quiet and not much of a talker. He loved me tremendously, but just didn’t know how to express those feelings outwardly. As a young girl (and even us older women), I needed that reinforcement. I needed his words to water my confidence, so that I could grow into an assertive young woman, not needing the approval of just any young man who came strolling along.
I had to find a way to make him love me, no matter what it took! So, my plan? I would achieve as much as I could so that he could say, “that’s my girl—I’m so proud of her!” Or possibly brag about me to his co-workers and/or other family members; I had to show him that I was somebody, and him leaving me was a big mistake.
In the end, as a young adult, I learned many valuable lessons. But, most importantly, the lesson that will stick with me a lifetime, is never base true happiness off of accomplishments and success! Be happy and love yourself first, that will take you a long way.
xoxoxoxoxo Daddy’s Little Girl xoxoxoxo
P.S. Oh and yeh, for those who maybe interested in my relationship with my Father now…well, naturally, we are still working on it. It has some ups and downs, but we are progressing immensely, and I’m realizing he’s truly a great guy! Be blessed :o)